In less than two hours, I will be 30 weeks preggo. I found photos from when i was 30 weeks with Jack; I have attached it and Ellie's pregnancy photos for comparison.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
30 weeks
In less than two hours, I will be 30 weeks preggo. I found photos from when i was 30 weeks with Jack; I have attached it and Ellie's pregnancy photos for comparison.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Still can't shake the feeling
Today was a better day. My eyes were not puffy, so that's always a good start. But by late in the afternoon and evening, I was missing the boys. They went home from work and Miss Kelly's house, we chatted during dinner and then spoke on Skype while they played WOW. But then it was time for bed, and my heart hurt again. 
Ellie has been a moving maniac all day. Not painful moving, but pleasant "hey mom, I'm here" movement; she has been reminding me that I'm not alone in here.
I saw this dress (on the right) that I would totally dress her in. Stylish, but not pink or frilly.
Now that the adavan is kicking in (or it's just the fact that tomorrow is my last day in the 20s weeks, I will let you in on a happy secret. They have the best ice here. It compares with Sonic. (Oh Sonic, how I miss you, like an addict misses her crack.)
And tonight, I ended up with a very empathetic woman taking my dinner order. They are starting to know I am a long haul kind of a patient. Anyway, not only did she hook me up with the good cafeteria ice cream, but also the chocolate fudge, and oreos. I had a leftover banana and made myself a sundae for dinner. I wish I could say that the food make my heart feel better, but it did make me not want to throw up, unlike so many other choices on the menu. She also sent up a container of salted peanuts for me. So thanks, (well call her) my supplier, for making my day a little better.
Ellie has been a moving maniac all day. Not painful moving, but pleasant "hey mom, I'm here" movement; she has been reminding me that I'm not alone in here.
I saw this dress (on the right) that I would totally dress her in. Stylish, but not pink or frilly.
Now that the adavan is kicking in (or it's just the fact that tomorrow is my last day in the 20s weeks, I will let you in on a happy secret. They have the best ice here. It compares with Sonic. (Oh Sonic, how I miss you, like an addict misses her crack.)
And tonight, I ended up with a very empathetic woman taking my dinner order. They are starting to know I am a long haul kind of a patient. Anyway, not only did she hook me up with the good cafeteria ice cream, but also the chocolate fudge, and oreos. I had a leftover banana and made myself a sundae for dinner. I wish I could say that the food make my heart feel better, but it did make me not want to throw up, unlike so many other choices on the menu. She also sent up a container of salted peanuts for me. So thanks, (well call her) my supplier, for making my day a little better.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
The Facts of Life
This is the taking the bad part of the facts of life. Don't ask me why, but I have found myself depressed and crying most of my day away. There is nothing different about today. But I have just felt very sad. Every time I have seen my boys today, I cried. Hugging them, talking to them was just not enough. THe time feels too short for my visits with them and I am left with the vivid memory of my little boy crawling up to me and hugging me and Ellie belly.
After saying goodbye to them at around 6pm tonight, I cried for 30 minutes; then I was going to write this blog about FUCK people for not appreciating things in life (although I would disclaim that I too take things for granted). I felt so pissed watching people take things for granted. Big stuff, by all means is aloud to suck. But when you have a broken nail or your day didn't go exactly how you want it. You didn't get all your chores finished. You didn't get that pedicure you wanted, you missed a movie, you got the wrong meal for dinner. I was just ready to say, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
And after calming down, I reminded myself that we all have sucky days. As my good friend once told me, just because someone else had a worse day, doesn't makes your day any less sucky. Of course this is the same friend who allows me to have a maximum of 24 hours to be allowed to feel sucky.
But as your read this I hope that you find yourself slowing down a little (not to my snail pace). And I hope you take that extra time to snuggle your family - do it for this goofball who doesn't get to say goodnight in person to her husband or son. Enjoy that run or walk because some people don't get to leave their homes, nursing homes, hospital rooms. Enjoy the fresh air, the sunset, the fabulous dinner. Just try to enjoy it all more. I know this bedrest enlightenment won't last forever, but I will try not to take things for granted when I'm outta here. Because sometimes when things get back to normal, we forget what we have learned. And that is just being human.
After saying goodbye to them at around 6pm tonight, I cried for 30 minutes; then I was going to write this blog about FUCK people for not appreciating things in life (although I would disclaim that I too take things for granted). I felt so pissed watching people take things for granted. Big stuff, by all means is aloud to suck. But when you have a broken nail or your day didn't go exactly how you want it. You didn't get all your chores finished. You didn't get that pedicure you wanted, you missed a movie, you got the wrong meal for dinner. I was just ready to say, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
And after calming down, I reminded myself that we all have sucky days. As my good friend once told me, just because someone else had a worse day, doesn't makes your day any less sucky. Of course this is the same friend who allows me to have a maximum of 24 hours to be allowed to feel sucky.
But as your read this I hope that you find yourself slowing down a little (not to my snail pace). And I hope you take that extra time to snuggle your family - do it for this goofball who doesn't get to say goodnight in person to her husband or son. Enjoy that run or walk because some people don't get to leave their homes, nursing homes, hospital rooms. Enjoy the fresh air, the sunset, the fabulous dinner. Just try to enjoy it all more. I know this bedrest enlightenment won't last forever, but I will try not to take things for granted when I'm outta here. Because sometimes when things get back to normal, we forget what we have learned. And that is just being human.
Just not feeling it today
Skipped breakfast, ate the bare minimum for lunch so I wouldn't get sick, and cried while watching Jack and Nick on the video camera. This must be one of the low days the nurses were talking about.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
The flip side
So I have been one very lucky patient this weekend and have been given some of the funniest, calmest nurses. Here's the deal, #1 and #2 aren't bad nurses. They are thorough. #2 goes by the book, which is what you want in an emergency. #1 has a heart in there somewhere (I saw that side last week). But a good portion of the nurses are lovely (and funny as hell) people who are helping me get through bedrest both phsyically and psychologically.
Since I'm the only antenatal patient on the ward, I have plenty of time to get to know them; then I can start praying to the gods of labor for specific ones to work when it's time to deliver.
Oh and today, I sewed and stuffed my first lilly pad (I got the stuffing supplies from Kelly).
Since I'm the only antenatal patient on the ward, I have plenty of time to get to know them; then I can start praying to the gods of labor for specific ones to work when it's time to deliver.
Oh and today, I sewed and stuffed my first lilly pad (I got the stuffing supplies from Kelly).
Don't give me any ideas
So this isn't thr first time this has happened to me, but tonight they are showing Father of the Bride Part II. You know, the one where the mother and daughter get pregnant and go into labor at the same time... sorry, did I ruin it for you. ;)
Anyway, I see the labor part start, and all of a sudden my body gets an idea. No shit. I start wanting to push with them. Well, they haven't gotten to that pushing part, but even the contraction part makes me think about the pushing part. So, I will not be finishing that movie, or any other movie that involves pushing babies out.
Now if I get to 40 weeks, then, I will.
Hope you all are having a lovely Sunday. I got to see the boys on the computer. They worked on Ellie's room, they played in the basement. We all watched Star Wars during pizza and a movie night. But since Jack has been sick, I haven't seen him in person since Tuesday. I miss presence.
Anyway, I see the labor part start, and all of a sudden my body gets an idea. No shit. I start wanting to push with them. Well, they haven't gotten to that pushing part, but even the contraction part makes me think about the pushing part. So, I will not be finishing that movie, or any other movie that involves pushing babies out.
Now if I get to 40 weeks, then, I will.
Hope you all are having a lovely Sunday. I got to see the boys on the computer. They worked on Ellie's room, they played in the basement. We all watched Star Wars during pizza and a movie night. But since Jack has been sick, I haven't seen him in person since Tuesday. I miss presence.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Tonight I bid you an adavan goodnight
Good day this morning. Convinced my doctor to play plants vs zombies when he say I was trying to make felt stuffed animals of the characters. Then i had a visit with Kelly. Kelly let's me call my son a genius... we've talk about it and even people like serial killers are genius. But he's a genius; it's going to be something big. ;)
After my every other day shower today, I started feeling weaker and had more pressure. I didn't eat much dinner because I felt nauseated. I started contracting and hyperventilating. Fortunately, Dana came by to visit, so I made her do the talking. She was like a stand up comedian. :) That helped. What also helped was having some very dry-witted nurses. Love them. They also seem to remain very calm while I am freaking out. That helps me stay calm in between my hyper breathing.
The nurse and the doc talked tonight and decided to give me a stronger medicine for anxiety. It was given before 9pm, but I am still awake 2 hours later. Although relaxed and sleepy. I think this might be a good substitute for the two nighttime drugs to help me relax and sleep. So peace out ya'll.
After my every other day shower today, I started feeling weaker and had more pressure. I didn't eat much dinner because I felt nauseated. I started contracting and hyperventilating. Fortunately, Dana came by to visit, so I made her do the talking. She was like a stand up comedian. :) That helped. What also helped was having some very dry-witted nurses. Love them. They also seem to remain very calm while I am freaking out. That helps me stay calm in between my hyper breathing.
The nurse and the doc talked tonight and decided to give me a stronger medicine for anxiety. It was given before 9pm, but I am still awake 2 hours later. Although relaxed and sleepy. I think this might be a good substitute for the two nighttime drugs to help me relax and sleep. So peace out ya'll.
Friday, April 23, 2010
I bid you all an ambien goodnight
When I lost Bub in September, I was heartbroken. One song gave me some kind of comfort and for the past day or so, I have been thinking about it and about Bub, and Jack and Ellie. My kids. I love them all. I won't be able to really explain to everyone that my 6-week-old fetus died, but his name was Bub, and we loved him. That info is more for close friends and family. So here and now, I say to you that I have had 3 children. I will only be raising two of them, but there will always be 3 in my heart. Goodnight my sweet children.
Paul Simon's Mother and Child Reunion. Here are the lyrics:
No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine.
I cant for the life of me
Remember a sadder day
I know they say let it be
But it just dont work out that way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again
No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine.
I just cant believe its so,
And though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
In such a mysterious way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again
But I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
When the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away,
Oh, oh the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away
Oh the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a moment away
Paul said of the inspiration for the song, "Last summer we had a dog that was run over and killed, and we loved this dog. It was the first death I had ever experienced personally. Nobody in my family died that I felt that. But I felt this loss -- one minute there, next minute gone, and then my first thought was, "Oh, man, what if that was (my wife) Peggy? What if somebody like that died? Death, what is it, I can't get it." And there were lyrics straight out forward like that. The chorus for "Mother and Child Reunion" -- well, that's out of the title. Somehow there was a connection between this death and Peggy and it was like Heaven, I don't know what the connection was. Some emotional connection. It didn't matter to me what it was. I just knew it was there."
Paul Simon's Mother and Child Reunion. Here are the lyrics:
No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine.
I cant for the life of me
Remember a sadder day
I know they say let it be
But it just dont work out that way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again
No I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away, oh, little darling of mine.
I just cant believe its so,
And though it seems strange to say
I never been laid so low
In such a mysterious way
And the course of a lifetime runs
Over and over again
But I would not give you false hope
On this strange and mournful day
When the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a motion away,
Oh, oh the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away
Oh the mother and child reu-nion
Is only a moment away
Paul said of the inspiration for the song, "Last summer we had a dog that was run over and killed, and we loved this dog. It was the first death I had ever experienced personally. Nobody in my family died that I felt that. But I felt this loss -- one minute there, next minute gone, and then my first thought was, "Oh, man, what if that was (my wife) Peggy? What if somebody like that died? Death, what is it, I can't get it." And there were lyrics straight out forward like that. The chorus for "Mother and Child Reunion" -- well, that's out of the title. Somehow there was a connection between this death and Peggy and it was like Heaven, I don't know what the connection was. Some emotional connection. It didn't matter to me what it was. I just knew it was there."
Like mother, like daughter
Oh yeah, one more thing... I told the sonographer that all that pushing around was going to lead to revenge on me later. I was right. That little girl is kicking my a...bdomen. Fortunately, I got my ambien at 9pm, so maybe she and I will sleep well tonight. I'm also feeding her baked lays, which are carbs, which make you sleepy.
Say "cheese"
So we had our ultrasound today. It took almost an hour for it because they tested Ellie to see if she practiced breathing within a half hour. Little girl, who hiccups a lot on me (a sign of breathing), didn't practice until 28 minutes. :) She really is going to be stubborn.
I love Ellie. She moved more like a baby today then ever before (not shock there) and watching her yawn and cover her eyes with her hands made me so happy. It was our little girl doing baby stuff. And before we know it, she will be making that yawning face to us.
Let's see... she's head down (and hiccuping as I type), 2lbs., 13oz., and hanging out very low. But my cervix is still closed, it was measured about 1.1cm, not as short as the .8 I had, but not as long as before. So we'll take it. I am one week off from being 30 weeks, which means I can deliver here from then on out.
And I should be getting that ambien on time tonight, and everyone has been knocking first.
Someone is getting a catheter down the hall, so I consider myself lucky. Have you ever had one of those? Yeah, it sucks rocks.
I love Ellie. She moved more like a baby today then ever before (not shock there) and watching her yawn and cover her eyes with her hands made me so happy. It was our little girl doing baby stuff. And before we know it, she will be making that yawning face to us.
Let's see... she's head down (and hiccuping as I type), 2lbs., 13oz., and hanging out very low. But my cervix is still closed, it was measured about 1.1cm, not as short as the .8 I had, but not as long as before. So we'll take it. I am one week off from being 30 weeks, which means I can deliver here from then on out.
And I should be getting that ambien on time tonight, and everyone has been knocking first.
Someone is getting a catheter down the hall, so I consider myself lucky. Have you ever had one of those? Yeah, it sucks rocks.
29 weeks, baby
So it's 29 weeks today. Woot! It's a semi-busy day. I have already had a volunteer with the paper, Dr. Smith and a visit from the nurses 2 times. I got weighed, and I'm very pleased with the amount of weight I have gained since I got pregnant. I have an ultrasound at 1pm, and a dance for bedrest patients at 9pm. Ambien and diet cokes will be served.
It's not a good sign when your doctor tells you that you are his healthiest patient. But I'll take it.
It's not a good sign when your doctor tells you that you are his healthiest patient. But I'll take it.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Oh what a night...
#1 and #2 have been here today. Both have proven to be not as bad as I initially gave them credit for. I have been uncomfortable this afternoon and this evening so they monitored me for a while. The nurse who delivered Jack worked today, too, and she makes me feel so much better. But I asked #2 for an ambien again so I could get a relaxing night's sleep and she said, "we'll see." FUCK! Sorry for the language, but I could use a good night's sleep tonight. So I am a little bit pissy. I am tired, but not relaxed. FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!
Limbo
How low can this little girl go. I feel her body really low by my pelvic bones and stuff down there. It's not comfortable. But hey, at least she's moving and not making me go into labor.
Still have a sick boy at home. :( Work for Nick is stressful so my folks stayed another day so Nick wouldn't have to worry about rushing home. Tomorrow the ILs are suppose to be here to help out.
I got to shave my legs today. It was very exciting stuff. :)
Still have a sick boy at home. :( Work for Nick is stressful so my folks stayed another day so Nick wouldn't have to worry about rushing home. Tomorrow the ILs are suppose to be here to help out.
I got to shave my legs today. It was very exciting stuff. :)
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
2 more days until 29 weeks
Dude, I'm only 2 days away from 29 weeks. Woot. Would you believe I have been on bedrest for almost 9 weeks. It's crazy. I read only a little bit of information about what would happen if I delivered at 29 weeks; and while it's not even close to ideal, it isn't even nearly as bad as when I first found out 9 weeks ago. She wasn't viable when we found out, not there is a pretty good chance of survival. And then I'm only 9 days away from 30 weeks. Woot.
I had dinner with Nick tonight and a visit from the folks this evening. So I have gotten human contact today. Nick was making me laugh so hard, I was worried I was going to go into labor.
I had dinner with Nick tonight and a visit from the folks this evening. So I have gotten human contact today. Nick was making me laugh so hard, I was worried I was going to go into labor.
Little girl
On Sunday, Ellie was not moving a lot. During her monitoring session, her heart beat would slow down and then come back up immediately. It made me uncomfortable knowing that if something were to go wrong, there was nothing I could do about it.
However, for the past two days, this little girl has been moving up a storm. Yesterday, I could feel either her butt or her head keep flipping on my left side. Today, she is back but stretched out more. I would bed to say that her butt is on my left abdomen and her feet are in my right ribs. I love it.
It's so hard to imagine her as real most of the time. I think I don't want to get my heart broken so I am not spending tons of time talking to her one on one. Criticize me, but it feels like a coping mechanism. What if something does go wrong? I am so close to the goal I can almost taste it, but something things don't play out the way you want. I know I sound pessimistic, but when you are left alone with your thoughts and no quality daytime tv, worrying ensues - well for those who are genetically linked to my parents and their parents.
However, for the past two days, this little girl has been moving up a storm. Yesterday, I could feel either her butt or her head keep flipping on my left side. Today, she is back but stretched out more. I would bed to say that her butt is on my left abdomen and her feet are in my right ribs. I love it.
It's so hard to imagine her as real most of the time. I think I don't want to get my heart broken so I am not spending tons of time talking to her one on one. Criticize me, but it feels like a coping mechanism. What if something does go wrong? I am so close to the goal I can almost taste it, but something things don't play out the way you want. I know I sound pessimistic, but when you are left alone with your thoughts and no quality daytime tv, worrying ensues - well for those who are genetically linked to my parents and their parents.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
I drank the Kool-aid and I won
I passed my glucose test. So I can continue to stuff my face with sweets if I choose to. Woot!
I got to cuddle with my little one today. We watched puppies and fish and giggled. Heaven.
I had two visitors tonight. I got a carbonated diet coke (from Sonic). A visit eith the folks. And chocolate chip/peanut butter cookies. What a rockin' day.
I got to cuddle with my little one today. We watched puppies and fish and giggled. Heaven.
I had two visitors tonight. I got a carbonated diet coke (from Sonic). A visit eith the folks. And chocolate chip/peanut butter cookies. What a rockin' day.
Don't drink the koolaid
This morning, I have a lovely visit from my doc. I get a visit from him every morning now that I'm here. I asked him if I needed to keep those blood circulation boots on all day, and he said no. I told him that some of the nurses make sure that I wear them all the time, and he said I don't have to be complient and I should speak up. Love my doctor. Ultrasound of my cervix is on Friday. We'll see what's left of it.
Also this morning, I got to take my blood sugar test. Aren't you all just jealous? Never had one? Well you have to drink an 8-10 oz cup of sugary liquid. It tastes like sunkist without the carbonation. And you have to drink it in 5 minutes. No pressure. I liked the nurse who gave it to me because she giggled as she said she was sorry to do this to me. But she told me she had to take this test every week when she was pregnant, so I told her she had a right to giggle.
My parents are coming into town today. Nick has a chance to work late the next couple of nights, which I know will help relieve some of his work stress. The boys visited last night, which is the highlight of my day. I talked to my college roommate and very good friend, Carie, on Skype last night. I love that we can pick up where we left off. It stinks that she lives so far away, but I'm glad we got to do the video chat.
Also this morning, I got to take my blood sugar test. Aren't you all just jealous? Never had one? Well you have to drink an 8-10 oz cup of sugary liquid. It tastes like sunkist without the carbonation. And you have to drink it in 5 minutes. No pressure. I liked the nurse who gave it to me because she giggled as she said she was sorry to do this to me. But she told me she had to take this test every week when she was pregnant, so I told her she had a right to giggle.
My parents are coming into town today. Nick has a chance to work late the next couple of nights, which I know will help relieve some of his work stress. The boys visited last night, which is the highlight of my day. I talked to my college roommate and very good friend, Carie, on Skype last night. I love that we can pick up where we left off. It stinks that she lives so far away, but I'm glad we got to do the video chat.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Don't make too much fun of me, but...
I cut my own hair. Not the top or the top back, but the over-the-ears, bangs and the neck. I can't see my neck area, but here's hoping I didn't do too bad of a job. I figured by the time I'm off bedrest, I should be regrown in the area and ready for a proper haircut.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Amendment
Nurse #2, after explaining my inability to comprehend much for a goood portion of the day, was willing to give me the ambien. And after talking with her for a few minutes, I felt much less annoyed. Nurse #1 is still on my shitlist. :)
And I got over myself earlier.
And I got over myself earlier.
Going Loco
I think I might be losing my mind tonight. I was lucky enough to have a visitor this morning, but my boys decided (mostly Jack) to stay in their pjs all day. (Something that has not happened in a couple of weeks but well deserved.) As you have read in my earlier post (you did, right? Right?), today was not the ideal nursing staff. Food did not sound appealing tonight. Just liquids. Plus throughout the day, I have had mini panic attacks start happening when I think about the fact that I am stuck in this room. It feels like being trapped in an elevator or a tube - although really, those are worse. It's just psychological. Plus I am having these random thoughts of bad things happening to the boys, as if my being with them will protect them. Shit happens, and I have very little control over anything in this life. Just my choices and my attitude. Yeah, I'll keep telling myself that and taking my meds.
I know, death is a much worse. Being terminally or chronically sick is much worse. Having a sick child is much, much worse. I could find more, they just came to mind first. Nick told me a story yesterday. Jack and Nick were coming to visit me and a woman entered the elevator when they did. Jack pushed the "3" button and the woman pushed the "2" button. Jack turned to the lady and said, "I'm going to see my mom." The lady said, "I'm going to see my son in the ICU."
I know, death is a much worse. Being terminally or chronically sick is much worse. Having a sick child is much, much worse. I could find more, they just came to mind first. Nick told me a story yesterday. Jack and Nick were coming to visit me and a woman entered the elevator when they did. Jack pushed the "3" button and the woman pushed the "2" button. Jack turned to the lady and said, "I'm going to see my mom." The lady said, "I'm going to see my son in the ICU."
Bitchfest
Today, I ended up with my two least favorite nurses. Nurse #1 talks to me like a child. I even got a pout the first time a met her.The day that I found out I was staying here for another 8 weeks, she was bragging about all her grandchildren that are coming in her happy little life. I wanted to punch her in the face. I know, she should be allowed to, but that day, I felt pissed to not have a normal pregnancy.
Nurse #2 usually only works until 11pm, so she refuses to give me my ambien (to help me sleep) until 11pm. Problem is I sleep pretty much all morning, I miss lunch and sleep a little bit of the afternoon away. It sucks, and it makes me feel depressed. She believes that because the 11pm staff need to do my vitals, she doesn't want me to have to be woken up. Why she can't take my vitals or why I can't be woken up (which, most likely, I will still be awake waiting for the ambien to kick in) I don't know. She doesn't believe me when I tell her that I stay awake for a couple of hours after taking it. So today I avoided falling asleep at all so maybe I won't need the ambien tonight. Oh yeah, and today she reminded me to order dinner. Yeah, I am not a kid.
I am sure both of these nurses are being nice, but they just annoy me. Everyone else seems to be mindful of me being a hormonal woman who is trapped in a hospital bed away from her family for a long period of time.... and ready to lose her mind if she is pushed too hard.
Two general comments for anyone who wants to avoid me going off:
Don't talk to me as if I am not making this child the first priority by telling me how to lay, or what to eat or drink, or worrying I won't take my meds. Seriously. I will start swinging.
Don't just open my door. Knock first, and maybe wait until I say COME IN. The only people in my life who are allowed to walk in are the people I live with everyday.
Nurse #2 usually only works until 11pm, so she refuses to give me my ambien (to help me sleep) until 11pm. Problem is I sleep pretty much all morning, I miss lunch and sleep a little bit of the afternoon away. It sucks, and it makes me feel depressed. She believes that because the 11pm staff need to do my vitals, she doesn't want me to have to be woken up. Why she can't take my vitals or why I can't be woken up (which, most likely, I will still be awake waiting for the ambien to kick in) I don't know. She doesn't believe me when I tell her that I stay awake for a couple of hours after taking it. So today I avoided falling asleep at all so maybe I won't need the ambien tonight. Oh yeah, and today she reminded me to order dinner. Yeah, I am not a kid.
I am sure both of these nurses are being nice, but they just annoy me. Everyone else seems to be mindful of me being a hormonal woman who is trapped in a hospital bed away from her family for a long period of time.... and ready to lose her mind if she is pushed too hard.
Two general comments for anyone who wants to avoid me going off:
Don't talk to me as if I am not making this child the first priority by telling me how to lay, or what to eat or drink, or worrying I won't take my meds. Seriously. I will start swinging.
Don't just open my door. Knock first, and maybe wait until I say COME IN. The only people in my life who are allowed to walk in are the people I live with everyday.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Saturdays with the Rogers
The boys and I are chatting on the computer. Love video calling. But all I want to do is go home.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Dinner with the boys
Am i glad my husband is a computer nerd. Not only do I find the computer geek persona sexy, but he also has set me up with a webcam so I can talk to him and Jack. Here is what our dinner looked like tonight.
My cheesy eggs were a little crispy on the outside spongy on the inside. The biscuits were pretty good. But the boys looked like they enjoyed their Rosati's pizza. I enjoyed not wondering if food was going to be spilled, how long I had with the boys, wondering if Jack was going to be able to enjoy his evening. I got to watch Jack play and laugh and have fun in the comfort of his home, and Nick be able to relax and get stuff done before bedtime. It was good.
My OCD List
Things I would love to work on now that's it's spring and knowing that once Ellie is here, I will be busy and tired in the beginning:
Reorganize the garage - maybe add some hanging shelves to make more room on the floor.
Get the baby room ready and get the baby stuff out of the storage.
Reorganize the storage room.
Mulch the garden beds.
But first, weed the garden beds and remove the dead parts of the perennials.
Put a patio table on the back porch.
Plant in the little garden Jack and I started last year.
Purge/donate some thing that haven't been used in over a year.
Replace Jack's curtains and furniture so there is only three main colors in his room. Green, white and black.
Replace the blinds in the house. We got an estimate from the Blind Man, and man is it expensive.
Get a proper haircut, manicure and pedicure.
Scrapbook 4 years worth of stuff.
Paint the light behind the garage brown - it's the only one left.
Figure out which toys Jack doesn't play with anymore. Put those away to make room for the baby stuff.
Go shopping for Jack's birthday supplies.
Anyone want to help me with me OCD, let me know. ;) Honestly, it makes me feel a little less anxious just putting the list out there.
Reorganize the garage - maybe add some hanging shelves to make more room on the floor.
Get the baby room ready and get the baby stuff out of the storage.
Reorganize the storage room.
Mulch the garden beds.
But first, weed the garden beds and remove the dead parts of the perennials.
Put a patio table on the back porch.
Plant in the little garden Jack and I started last year.
Purge/donate some thing that haven't been used in over a year.
Replace Jack's curtains and furniture so there is only three main colors in his room. Green, white and black.
Replace the blinds in the house. We got an estimate from the Blind Man, and man is it expensive.
Get a proper haircut, manicure and pedicure.
Scrapbook 4 years worth of stuff.
Paint the light behind the garage brown - it's the only one left.
Figure out which toys Jack doesn't play with anymore. Put those away to make room for the baby stuff.
Go shopping for Jack's birthday supplies.
Anyone want to help me with me OCD, let me know. ;) Honestly, it makes me feel a little less anxious just putting the list out there.
The food lady
The dietician was in this morning. She asked me about my weight and my appetite. She asked if they were weighing me daily. It was really good times. I wanted to tell her to stuff it in the nicest way possible.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tonight's report
Here are a few thoughts for the night:
1. We really can't do dinners here. Nick is tormented (although he won't say so) by picking up food, driving here, getting into the labor/delivery unit (he waited 15 minutes outside the door) and keeping a child from spilling food/drink. I am tormented by his torment. It's easier to each separate. And that will have to be ok with me.
2. My parents will never understand that the are not only a great help but also a great stress factor. I had 3 contractions while on the phone with them tonight.
3. I plan on stuffing my face with oreos. As one of the nurses joked, "Food is all you have control over right now."
4. Based on a rule from Kelly and Neil, I am allowed 24 hours of suckage. I have used up about 8 of those. Can I save the other hours for a different day, or is it a use it or lose it thing?
1. We really can't do dinners here. Nick is tormented (although he won't say so) by picking up food, driving here, getting into the labor/delivery unit (he waited 15 minutes outside the door) and keeping a child from spilling food/drink. I am tormented by his torment. It's easier to each separate. And that will have to be ok with me.
2. My parents will never understand that the are not only a great help but also a great stress factor. I had 3 contractions while on the phone with them tonight.
3. I plan on stuffing my face with oreos. As one of the nurses joked, "Food is all you have control over right now."
4. Based on a rule from Kelly and Neil, I am allowed 24 hours of suckage. I have used up about 8 of those. Can I save the other hours for a different day, or is it a use it or lose it thing?
Bedrest Day 51
I was originally going to call the blog, "the father, the son, and the incompetent cervix" but my sister suggested the mother and daughter - because really it's the two of us stuck here together.
Day 51 of bedrest. Today sucks. But I'm starting not to feel sad like I did earlier. I don't feel sorry for myself. I just feel kinda pissy and scared. Pissy because I want to be with my boys. Pissy that I can't have a normal pregnancy. Pissy that I can't nest and make things in my house just so. Pissy because I have no control over anything accept for what side of my body I lay on. And scared that something will happen to Ellie. I want so much to make her a given for our future, but I am scared to believe that she won't be, and I will have to deal with the loss of a child.
Nick rocks. He is a trooper and a great dad. I realize that his role has come to be because of a choice we both made, but it is still hard. He's single parenting it, working, dealing with a wife who is emotional and hormonal and demanding daily diet cokes. And he stays patient and calm and loving. He's running his ship tight, so if he doesn't accept help from others, it's because he has things just the way he can handle them.
Jack rocks. Besides a few normal emotional moments, the kid is a rock star. He is having fun at school and at Miss Kelly's house, who, besides Nick, he spends most of his time with. He's taking the initiative to stuff on his own. I feel like I'm missing out on so much with him. People say this is only for a short time, but they also say that those 18 years with your kids go by fast, too. So, that is why I don't want to miss out. I am happy to say that he is still very excited to meet Ellie. I was worried that he would resent her, but he is super psyched and wants her to come out now; we've tried to explain the science of maternity to him, but he doesn't care.
I'll try not to post monologues. I have random thoughts throughout the day. Things I need to do, goofy things that pop in my mind. I'll post them.
Day 51 of bedrest. Today sucks. But I'm starting not to feel sad like I did earlier. I don't feel sorry for myself. I just feel kinda pissy and scared. Pissy because I want to be with my boys. Pissy that I can't have a normal pregnancy. Pissy that I can't nest and make things in my house just so. Pissy because I have no control over anything accept for what side of my body I lay on. And scared that something will happen to Ellie. I want so much to make her a given for our future, but I am scared to believe that she won't be, and I will have to deal with the loss of a child.
Nick rocks. He is a trooper and a great dad. I realize that his role has come to be because of a choice we both made, but it is still hard. He's single parenting it, working, dealing with a wife who is emotional and hormonal and demanding daily diet cokes. And he stays patient and calm and loving. He's running his ship tight, so if he doesn't accept help from others, it's because he has things just the way he can handle them.
Jack rocks. Besides a few normal emotional moments, the kid is a rock star. He is having fun at school and at Miss Kelly's house, who, besides Nick, he spends most of his time with. He's taking the initiative to stuff on his own. I feel like I'm missing out on so much with him. People say this is only for a short time, but they also say that those 18 years with your kids go by fast, too. So, that is why I don't want to miss out. I am happy to say that he is still very excited to meet Ellie. I was worried that he would resent her, but he is super psyched and wants her to come out now; we've tried to explain the science of maternity to him, but he doesn't care.
I'll try not to post monologues. I have random thoughts throughout the day. Things I need to do, goofy things that pop in my mind. I'll post them.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)