Damn, I'm lucky and other hormonally based thoughts...

I wrote this shortly after Ellie was just born. Better late than never...

As most of my avid readers out there may know, Ellie was born at exactly 36 weeks. Because of her size and jaundice, we had to stay in the hospital a 3 extra days. For a mommy on bedrest, a few more days did start taking me over the edge. Fortunately, I had a husband who kicked me out of the hospital when Ellie was still a patient but I wasn't. Anyway, here's some thoughts I have had over the past week and a half.

1. I am one lucky lady. E is here, safe and sound. She's a spitter-upper, but we can deal with it.

2. My boy, J, is a strong kid. He has his emotional moments, but no greater than a regular 4 year old. He loves his sister, without malice toward the time that I was taken from him. He has grown up so much since I have been unavailable. And I love who he's becoming.

3. I have an amazing husband. Who would have thought 17 years ago I would pick someone who is the best man I know. I am just as in love with him as I was before. It's different. It will never be like when we were 16 or 20, but it is so much better than that.

4. I am stronger than I thought and I am impressed. I made it through 15.75 weeks of bedrest. I was alone when I got my epidural (and narcotic free). I cut my own kid's ambilical cord. I realize that I can do anything I put my mind to, even if it is extremely uncomfortable.

5. Another kid made me realize how great my love for Jack is.

6. I am riding the waves of stress better this time.

35 weeks and growing

I'm huge. No, I'm not calling myself fat. I really feel big and uncomfortable. Like there's some alien growing inside of me. But it means Ellie is getting bigger and stronger and able to survive without medical assistance. I don't know how big she is, but I can tell she's getting bigger; her body makes larger movements.

My cervix got measured today. It was .9 - 1.1cm long. Not bad considering that I have been a little more active since Jack's birthday and contracting more. Last ultrasound was 1.1-1.3. My doctor is going out of town until Wednesday evening, but he said that if I go in labor next weekend, I should have the "girls" (nurses) at the hospital call him, even though he's not on call. He wants to deliver this baby.

Friday will be week 36. At that point I am a wild animal set free after being imprisioned. What do I do? Where do I start? How much energy will I really have? How much will the shape and size of my body limit me to do things?

I can get Sonic sodas. Drop my kid off at summer camp. Walk my kid to bed. Clean toilets. Get pedicures. Go to the movies. Go shopping. Maybe even weed and garden if it's not too hot. Shit I'm excited.

This week, I'm scrapbooking the last 4 years of our life. Since it's an organizational project, it eases my OCD urges. And I can work on it in bed. It will be a nice way to close up bedrest. I should not wait to scrapbook so long again.